First, I don’t like ‘em
… bugs, that is. Or anyone or anything
that causes me to feel bugged.
by and large, insecure
me. But people, places or things don’t actually cause me to feel
insecure. Rather, my ignorance
of, and uncertainty
aspects of those people, places or things, produce that
dreaded, bugged feeling.
third, feeling bugged gives me hives—YIKES!
on one of the original TV quiz shows, You
Bet Your Life, used
to announce, “Say the secret word and win a hundred dollars.”
There’s a secret word today that may not pay a hundred dollars when
uttered, but it gives lots of
folks hives, and that bug-inflicting word is—wait for the
is that sensitizing word such a bugaboo? That’s hard to say—oops,
are my pants on fire? Okay, it’s not hard
to say: People get hurt through
interpersonal relationship failures, and once burned, twice shy, to
the degree that we almost universally use a euphemistic
substitute: Friendship. So,
truth be known, a friendship is a relationship, without all the
issue with relationships raises the stakes against them even higher:
That is, the implied element of control. Yes,
many control-freaks roam the earth, seeking whom they may devour. And
complicating that even further is what popular-psychology calls
codependent behavior, or in this case, the need to control, and
to be controlled.
Think in terms of an artificial bond, akin to that of rare-earth
magnets, which are almost impossible to separate without the
necessary knowledge and tools.
card-carrying, popular-psychologists know a sure fire symptom of
codependent relationships: When the controll-ee takes his or her
emotional and physical lumps from the controll-er, and makes excuses
for the abuser, refusing to end it, that is a codependent
relationship. Remember the stuck-together rare-earth magnets? In the
observer’s view(that’s me), it is a bad thing,
ultimately unhealthy for all parties. I say “all” parties because
the most vulnerable of all are the children, who
know something stinks in Relationship Land, and without a full
understanding, blame themselves.
course, when the controll-ee takes a few lumps, but puts his-or-her
foot down and defiantly declares, “Hit the road, Jack!” we’ve
just observed an injured, but emotionally healthy, person’s
response to a complete jerk, or jerkette, depending
upon, (yada, yada, etcetera). By the magnetic analogy, this would be
a rare-earth magnet stuck to a piece of stainless steel; It’s a
strong bond, but without having another magnet’s reversed polls to
feed upon, it can be removed with relative ease.
I noted Booth’s and Brennan’s use of a little investigative tool
where they would agree to complete disclosure of all relevant
information. Wow! Is that an idealistic, schmaltzy idea, or what?
that would be an awesome way of defusing that bugged feeling that
I’ve temporarily lost track of due to my popular-psychological
tirade, it’s largely wishful thinking. To establish such a space of
honesty, we would first have to establish a space of trust.
is, there’s no such thing as a unilateral truth,
or trust, zone; I can think of no way to guarantee cooperation
from all participants. Here is where the “F” word reigns
supreme(that’s Fear, for
those with a history in the mean world). Even with a referee’s
involvement, we fear that all parties will not tell
the truth, or even share their best-guess as to what that really is.
Who wants to expose their vulnerability without such a guarantee?
count me in!
So, Bones guys,
thanks for a great, but completely unrealistic, idea.
more forensic procedurals oozing from my very pores. Now isn’t that a
the Brennan and Booth characters do with forensic evidence, the real
world does with personal observations … as in, interpersonal
is, that’s hardly an exact science. The evidence we gather is
always contaminated with relational baggage, sometimes from early
childhood. Certainly, such evidence would never make a case in a
court of law, even though we amateur, relational forensic analysts
typically assign to it rock-solid significance. And therein lies the
bugaboo; by trying to protect ourselves with fear, without allowing
ourselves the flexibility of listening to and trusting God’s still,
small voice, we allow our world of relational hurt to hobble our
emotional development. And that’s really bad
who gets bugged about sensitive people, place, and thing-issues will
not necessarily sprout hives, but God will not condone
the emotional handicap caused by fear and avoidance. That’s just
not His style.